| From
the Onion… |
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| Dog Chastised For Acting
Like Dog |
| Obeying the instincts bred
into him by millions of years of evolution, Shiner, a 2-year-old golden
retriever incurred his owner's wrath Monday by acting like a dog.
"Stop barking at that damn squirrel!" Terri Solanis shouted
at the dog. "Can't you sit still for five minutes?" Solanis
has previously scolded Shiner for sniffing feces encountered on the
sidewalk, licking his own groin, and wolfing down his food. |
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Yeah , Baby!
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| A Little Something
Extra from The Onion |
OAK BROOK, IL—Bowing
to outcry from consumers and parents groups, the McDonald's Corporation
announced Monday that it is discontinuing its new advertising mascot,
"The Hammurderer," a mischievous, homicidal imp who kills
McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches.
Developed by Chicago advertising agency DDB Needham, the Hammurderer
made his debut two months ago and has since appeared in a series of
Saturday-morning television commercials, as well as on Happy Meal
bags and activity placemats. All appearances by and references to
the violent, ill-tempered prison escapee will be dropped. |
| Deep Thoughts
by Jack Handey |
| I hope they never
find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you
hide from it or not? |
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<<< |
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| Chuck
Shepard |
A half-ton cow jumped a 6-foot
slaughterhouse fence and hid out so heroically for 12 days that
when she was finally captured, the mayor said he'd present her
a key to the city (Cincinnati).
A tenured University
of Texas chemistry professor was fired for having a messy office
(so many books as to be a fire hazard) and a messy laboratory
(corrosive materials) (San Antonio).
A 42-year-old man was
hospitalized after being stabbed in the stomach with a swordfish
during a brawl outside his home (Madeira Beach, Fla.).
University of Greenwich professor
announced the discovery of the oldest fossilized vomit on record
(of a four-flippered reptile from 160 million years ago) (London).
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Latest News
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March 10, 2002 9:05 AM
I just finished up a quick
update for The Dork Pages.
For those aspiring writers
out there, remember, I'm still looking for help in creating stories
for the site. If you're interested, go to the message board and
read what the guidelines are.
January 13, 2002, 10:25 AM
As you can tell (the regulars
at least) TDP has had a make-over. If you want the old message
board, go here.
January 12, 2002, 7:05 PM
So I got started with the
new bulletin board and its new design. The next thing that I know
I'm going for a real make-over of the whole site. geez...
January 5, 2002, 10.57
Back at it. That's about
all I can say. It seems that when everything gets going too fast,
I seem to neglect the site I have the most fun with. Maybe in
the new year my priorities will be adjusted.
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